


A Near Death Experience

by AdyBrooke14



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Gen, Merlin Saves the Day (Merlin), References to Depression, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:22:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25102366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AdyBrooke14/pseuds/AdyBrooke14
Summary: She stared numbly below her and gazed unflinchingly at the height she was dangling from. Just one small movement could end it all.
Relationships: Merlin & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Kudos: 13





	A Near Death Experience

**Author's Note:**

> TW for self harm and a near suicide attempt! If this content bothers you please read something happier!

It started out as recklessness at first. She would cross the road without looking, stop eating, refuse to take care of herself. 

Soon, that wasn’t enough for her. 

One day, feeling especially self loathing, she decided to explore the uses of a razor. She would take apart the blade carefully in a graceful movement. Next, she would brush it against her wrist lightly at first before it ran deeper and deeper into her skin.

It hurt, of course, but gosh it felt better than the crushing pain in her chest. Anything to distract her from her emptiness was a gift in her eyes.

It scared her at the beginning, wondering what these behaviors would escalate to. It only lasted for a moment though, she quickly came to the conclusion that she couldn’t care less what happened to her. 

——————————————

Now, she sat precariously on the ledge of the tallest building in her city, The Gevora Hotel. She stared numbly below her and gazed unflinchingly at the height she was dangling from. Just one small movement could end it all. 

She wouldn’t have to be a burden to everyone she knew. She wouldn’t have to worry about her future, what everyone expected of her. She closed her eyes briefly, but they were startled open when she felt a presence beside her. 

It was a young man, no older than twenty by her estimation. He was stunning, cheekbones shining in the moonlight and his blue eyes meeting hers sadly as he slowly sat beside her. His raven hair brushed into his face from the wind but his expression on his face was what caught her off guard. 

He seemed… wise. He looked young, but seemed to carry the weight of eons upon his shoulders. This looked like a man who had seen the worst this world had to offer and looked it in the face with a challenge. 

She just gaped at him in surprise while he shifted himself slightly as if to make himself comfortable.

“What-”

“Am I doing here? I might ask you the same question.”   
He interrupted her politely. She nodded to herself and slowly began to speak.

“I want to end it. End it all, right now. My misery, self loathing, anger.”

“It won’t help, you know.”

“What do you mean?”

“Killing yourself. If you jump right now, it won’t help anybody. Least of all yourself.”

“Of course it will! I would never feel pain again, heartache, grief…”

“But you’d also never feel joy, delight, or satisfaction. You might be facing a rough time now, yeah, but just think about all the wonderful times you could experience in the future.”

She had to admit, he had caught her off guard. Only for a split second though. “That’s not guaranteed. How do you know I won’t live the rest of my life in agony and solitude?”

“Nothing in this life is guaranteed. Even tomorrow isn’t promised to us. But it can be up to you to make a change to your life. Get help, see someone, make new friends. I promise in a year from now you’ll be in a completely different place from now.”

He had a far off look in his eyes, as if he were recalling a memory. 

“How come your so knowledgeable about this, huh?” She asked skeptically. After all, why should she listen to a stranger? He let out a dark chuckle that sent a chill through her spine. Never had she heard something so powerful and painful.

“Trust me, I’ve lived through it all. I know much more than my appearance could let on. I know you’ve just met me, and you’ve no reason to even talk to me-”

“True.”

“Can you please do me a favor?”

“I don’t see why not. What have I got to lose?”

He sighed and gave her a grim look before turning away from her once more. “Just… promise me you can survive one more year. See how far it will get you.”

She frowned doubtfully but decided one more year was hardly any time. She would be in this exact same place in twelve months. She nodded in determination. 

He flashed her a bright grin of relief and stood up shakily before stretching out a hand for her to grab. Together, the walked side by side away from the building when she remembered to ask his name before they departed.

“Merlin.” He whispered before rushing away. 

——————————————-

Two years later, she saw him again. He hadn’t aged a day, and sat beside a handsome blond man as they laughed over a joke they shared. 

She grasped her husband’s hand on her right, and in her left hand she held her tiny newborn baby girl. She walked over to the raven haired man slowly and handed her baby to her husband. 

She rushed towards him and grasped the scrawny man in a tight embrace. His eyes lit in recognition as they broke apart. “You- you didn’t do it!”

“No, I didn’t” She smiled warmly. “Merlin, I’d like to introduce you to my husband and our daughter.”

He grinned a wide toothy smile that stretched from one ear to the other. Though it might look goofy on anybody else, he looked quite endearing with the expression.  
“I told you, it would all be worth it in the end.” he whispered in her ear.


End file.
